Officers Mess

The Option of Money or a Pig.

Posted by Beano Boy on 23 Aug 2016, 01:02

;-) Over the past few weeks, i have had the Tax Man, on my back concerning rather a lot of money that i was informed i owed them due to a mistake the Dreaded Tax Avenger made three years ago down the line.
So i have had to deal with people with an awful stiff necked approach while wearing their rather lop sided Official heads ,and who do not know their Ar.. from their elbow!
i might act the fool,but upon the question on how i wanted to pay in full the amount due in outstanding Tax Arrears,and the Topsy Turvy way that the Honourable Tax Lording Pears with deaf ears,wanted to take certain money out of my direct debit account each week was share and stupendous nonsence beyond belief. Taken somewhat by surprise,when i offered to pay the full amount due ,which to express a point was no mere chicken feed amount. " What? the Official lady asked on the phone. __ :-D "i`ll pay it all,there is no problem.____ "No you can`t do that the system to take it by instalments has been arranged by due process of direct debit." She said,__"Oh yes,Well you can uninstall it then", i firmly demanded.
After being on the phone today for well over an hour and a half,a guy came on the line, and asked me. "Yes sir what is the problem?" i had to start all over again. i gave the phone to Mrs B,to give my head and ears a rest. The lady, and two other civil servants who had left me waiting on line had Bug...ed off somewhere else. i was not amused, and felt i should send them a bill for wasting my time again. Once a week,for three weeks all i`ve gotten were stupid twits on the other end of the phone living in The Twilight Zone.
To cut to a smaller version of what then insued after i lifted the Field Marshals Baton up again,was that i asked him,them and Lord Nibs! "Are you refusing to accept the Queens Currency?__ :affraid: " Blar,blare!" official nonsense.____ "Are you refusing legal tender of this State?_____ :affraid: " Blare,blare." Official nonsense!_____ "Do you realise to do so is against the Law? "____ :affraid: " Blare,blare", of Official nonsense!
There has to be a book in this,but then i`d pay even more taxes. In the end i offered to pay in full again,but added any refusal on their part to agree would mean i write a check out and have it delivered and signed for at their end.Normally there would not be a problem at their end,but a big one was planned. Now under law a check can be written on anything going,so i gave them a choice. Money paid in full or i write a check out upon a Pig ,and have it delivered by way of farm labourer, smelly truck and the largest darn Pig i could buy,and that the Tax Office would under law have to accept it,Grunt! Grunt! :eh: He went silent and reluctantly said,"I`ll send you an invoice so you can pay in full."

:mrgreen: VICTORY!
:sst: " BB,aint nice when he`s p`ed off!"
i run my own affairs straight and true upon the dotted line,and owe nothing outstanding to others. The Tax Avenger,i kinda like the ring of that certain stave.BB
Beano Boy  England
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Posted by Beano Boy on 26 Aug 2016, 04:29

Is This All True?

;-)" i`m still awaiting that invoice."_ :cowboy: "Buy That darn Pig,BB"_ :sst: "O`,my!"
_ :mrgreen: "Ya! It`s Piggy Time,BB!"__ :cowboy: " An make it a darn bigin too."
__ :coffee: " i`ll see what the Mailman brings tomorrow."

Meanwhile in the Office of The Dreaded Tax Avenger,
" Grunt,Grumble,Grunt!"
:eh: " But Sir,he threatened to send a signed for Check on a Pig!"

The Tax Avenger,"Grunt,grunt,mutter.mutter grumble Grunt!"

i always wanted to threaten The Inland Revenue ,after all i do help in a minor way to pay their wages.
:sst:" I`mmmmmm.How does one write a check on a pig?" __ :winky: "Well BB,usually shoves paper in the printer and types stuff out then prints it."____ :mrgreen: "Yah! Slid a Darn Big Porker into that Printer BB." ____ :shock: :shock: :shock: :drool: :drool: :drool: " O`, My!"

Tune in again for another episode of Money or a Pig. :-D BB
Beano Boy  England
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Posted by Graeme on 26 Aug 2016, 07:51

Beano Boy wrote: the Honourable Tax Lording Pears with deaf ears

Best thing I've read for a long while :-D

You have to wonder about the usefulness of bureaucrats who argue with you when you're trying to give them money.
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Graeme  Australia
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27 Nov 2015, 02:39

Posted by Beano Boy on 26 Aug 2016, 14:25

Thanks Graeme,i try best to twist a fun sized potion of it here,but in reality it is not funny at all.

Only a few more days to go and like many a model,
we get to use the brand new plastic Banknotes.
Static hectic times are ahead folks because they stick together,
and more to the market traders point of view they cannot,and will not fold up.

i noticed in the topic it should have read Peers,
but we are all friends here concerning my racing finger of tapping tap outs :-D BB
Beano Boy  England
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03 Sep 2013, 14:45

Posted by Beano Boy on 08 Sep 2016, 00:52


i don`t usually quote figures, but felt that i should just this once to show the
complete incompetence of the Government Department of ERRORS UPON ERRORS!

It is these born with silver spoon in the mouth individuals in charge of Works & Pensions!
It makes me Shudder !

The £3.090 they informed me i owed ,
actually was wrong, and that i actually owe £2.016.

What ineptitude,a little child can add up better then they can.

An invoice should arrive Thursday 8th of this month, today!
Then i can pay the darn thing by Bankers Card.

As a whole government department cannot make simple add-up sums,
i hardly want them to dictate to my Bank what should be paid out to them by way of direct debit payments.

It`s been a hard slog trying to get some sense out of those that i have spoken to via the phone.

After speaking to 8 Civil Servants on Monday, upon this issue of simply wanting to pay,
and getting nowhere, ( the promised invoice never arrived ), i finally got the top man,
The Dark Avenger!
He sorted it out for me, and informed me that i had been over charged by £1,074
,and an invoice he would personally send by post.

How these people got their jobs is beyond my feeble head of comprehension?
They should be reshuffled down and out the door to the nearest JOB CENTRE!

With that £1.074 now back in my pocket,i can certainly afford to buy that Pig!
Pay for a couple of guys to deliver it and plunk it on this guys desk if he lets me down. BB
Beano Boy  England
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Posted by Beano Boy on 13 Sep 2016, 19:19

Yes! it certainly took applied common sense for others to see reason,
and i finally paid Her Magesty`s Inland Revenue their pound of flesh!

:read: "So now your books are balanced again BB?"

The Dreaded Tax Avenger in the end sorted out his own darn mess before a huge smelly Pig arrived to add more to it.

So this Saga has reach its end.

Thanks for looking at this Official Officers Mess! BB

:mrgreen: " What is BB,going to do now with that Pig?"
Beano Boy  England
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