It´s a laugh

[Susofrick]

No problem to understand that one! Hard for poor God!

[ModernKiwi]

@ModernKiwi:

I think I get it, but am not sure. Been pondering it some time, but can you explain it please?

First of all, in my defense the guy who told me that joke was Finnish, so you can blame them.

The joke is that the Swede jumps too because he hates his lunch, even though he makes it himself (and is therefore able to do something different, unlike the others).

Cheers bloke.

[Paul]

Did my grandad just hack Paul and Nybots accounts?

Yes and he sent these;

A mate of mine reckons he´s got swine fever cos his skin has started crackling

A mate of mine thought he had swine flu cos he got a rash but it turned out to be an OLD SPOT

The medical term for itchy skin caused by Swine flu is Pork scratchings

The best way to prevent swine flu is to keep your hands ´sqeeky´clean.

Swine flu makes you claustrophobic, you feel penned in all the time.

A mate of mine thought he had swine flu but the doctor reckons it´s nowt

Swine fever epidemic? It must be cos a pig flu.

[Susofrick]

@ModernKiwi. Ha, you did explain it! I understood it the first time and liked it. I just played stupid, can at least say that I played after the explanation. Thanks, anyway. In fact rude of me to ask for an explanation, but the story was about dumb Swedes and I couldn't resist being one (happened before on this forum, but for real ). Fun topic that I enjoy a lot, but there are apparently a lot of better jokers than me here.

[Felisenus]

Allright, here's one of mine:

A group of Dutch tourists are flying to Ibiza on an airplane. They're about halfway into the flight, when suddenly the bottom of the airplane starts cracking up. Luckily, everyone manages to get hold of the ceiling with nothing but their hands, before the entire floor falls off.

After some time, the pilot announces that the aircraft is too heavy, and that four passengers will have to let go, before they all crash.

A few very brave individuals volunteer to let go, and the four of them fall to the ground, to save the rest of the passengers.

The rest starts applauding.

[Paul]

Q.How many elephants fit into a Mini?

A. 4..... 2 in the front and 2 in the back

Q. How many gorillas fit into a Mini?

A. none, it´s too full with elephants.

Q. How do you spot the pub where the elephants meet?

A. By all the Minis Parked outside

@Felisenus.... (but if they clap then....)

[Peter]

Hey Felisenus, you've told it like a real Belgian

Some good jokes here, love this topic

Greetings Peter

[Paul]

Sorry but here´s another Swine flu one

Thought I had caught swine flu so I phoned up the hospital but all I got was crackling.

[bilsonius]

The scene is a retirement home for the elderly. A old gentleman sits down next to a little old lady and says "I bet you can't guess how old I am!"
The little old lady looks at him, then puts her hand down the front of his trousers and gropes around for a couple of minutes...
- "You're eighty-two..."
- "That's right! How did you know?"
- "You told me yesterday."

[Adam]

I know all these so far which is funny to me, only with various nations swapped for irish/english /scottish and a few national details changed- fascinating how comedy travels.

Follwoing the last entry.

An 80 year old couple are sittign in a retirement home, when the old man turns and says: "what happened to our sexual relations", the old woman ponders for a minuite and says: " I don't know, we didn't get a card of them last chrismas"

[Paul]

Bloke goes for a job a timberyard
The boss says that they are a very good timberyard and only sell to the top of society, so he won´t just employ anyone
The bloke says "no problem, I´m so good I can tell what type of wood, how old and what condition it is Blindfolded.
Ok, thinks the boss, blindfolds the bloke and puts a plank of wood on a table in front of him. The bloke sniffs and feels the plank and after a few seconds says" Oak, 100 years old, well stored.
Hmmm thinks the boss and puts another plank in front of the bloke, same happens as before, and the bloke says "beech, 30 years old, well stored"
Right thinks the boss, I´ll get the showoff and quickly lays his grandmother on the table, The Bloke sniffs and feels, and says "pah, that´s easy, a badly stored sh*thouse door from a fishingboat"

[Paul]

[T. Dürrschmidt]

Two looneys find an old wartime artillery gun hidden in a forest. It is very rusty but still armed. They deside to bombard Austria. So they turn the gun in the direction which they think is right. They pull the string, the gun explodes. The first looney looses his right arm, the second one got both legs ripped off. Then the first one says: Boah, if we were hurt this way....how bad must it be over there!

[nybot]

Piglet's gonna get it.

That made we spit my coffee out over my keyboard
DOH

[Paul]

Two looneys are arranging to meet each other the next day, but neither can tell the time so won´t know when to turn up, and if the other has been there or not.
"Ok says the first looney, if I turn up first I´ll draw a chalk cross on the wall"
"What if I turn up first ?" asks the 2nd looney
"Simple, says the 1st looney, you rub the cross out "

[Paul]

sorry but they seem to come thick and fast at the moment

[ModernKiwi]

Don't know if this is just a coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It gets worse........



next year......


2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

[Felisenus]

Let's all, for the time being, be very happy it's not the year of the dragon.

[kit95]

Don't know if this is just a coincidence but....
2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.
Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, its not a coincidence, 2009, year of the Ox
However,2yrs ago, the economy is doing well (Year of the Pig), Last year, a rat cheated many business out of their money (Year of the Rat) and this year because of the economical crisis, everyone must work and suffer like a cow (Year of Ox).

[ModernKiwi]

Goes to show how little I know.... Thanks for the correction Kit.